- Saying “I can’t” when I mean “I won’t”
- Bringing in all kinds of reasons/excuses why I can’t or its not possible
- Talking about something else in order to deflect
- Making vague promises using “maybe” “perhaps” “sometime soon” etc.
- Saying “Yes” and hoping they’ll foget
- Using “they” “the management” “the group” or “someone” when I mean “I”
- Avoiding the person making the request.
So, here are my coaching questions. And I would love to hear your responses:
- How do you go about not saying “No”?What kinds of situations lead you to behave like this?What is the fear that is holding you back?What is the potential impact on you and on others of not saying “No”?
I just read this post Everyone Hates Role Playing by Frank Roche.
Frank suggests that as everyone hates role playing, trainers should forget experiential learning as a way of embedding the learning points all together and try teaching instead! He goes on to argue that people learn from teaching, and visual learners learn from books. What do you think?
I disagree with Frank’s view of how people learn. We learn mostly from experience and reflection. I have yet to see a baby pick up a book in order to learn how to walk! They try it, fall over, try it again, and again until they have mastered it. In work, studies show that people learn from experience (70%) role models (20%) and books and courses (10%)(Centre for Creative Leadership)
As a trainer I leverage this by using work related experiences, examples and stories and follow the training up with work based learning opportunities such as projects, experiments and tasks.
As far as role play goes, I want to distinguish between role play (acting – not good) and real play (real life scenario’s – good) Employees may also hate the idea of real play but we never learn to do anything differently without stepping out of our comfort zone. My job as the trainer is to make this step as safe as possible. I hate exercise but that’s not a valide reason to avoid it.
I’d love your views:
Have you been on a training programme which used role play or real play?
How have you learned to be the manager you are?
As we move towards a knowledge economy we need to manage organisations full of clever people who don’t usually respond well to being managed.
Managing clever people can be like herding cats. Do you have clever people on your team who you need but don’t enjoy managing? It’s important to learn how to bring out the best in clever people because they can add tremendous value or, as we have seen recently in global businesses, destroy value. Here are some thoughts and tips from Rob Goffee, co-author of “Clever”
What do you do or can you do to create the environment in which clever, creative, innovative and talented people thrive and also contribute fully to the organisation?
Sometimes we hold ourselves back from asking questions for fear of looking stupid or demonstrating that we don’t know something that we feel we “should” know. Imagine how dangerous it can potentially be for a business if the senior team are pretending knowledge or understanding they don’t have or are restricting their options by not asking others for their contrbution and thinking. That’s why these suggestions by Jodi Glickman Brown may prove useful:
1. Start your question with what you know. Do your homework first. Get enough background information to put your issue or problem in context. Give the other person an idea of what you’ve completed to date or what you know already and then proceed to explain what’s outstanding, where or how you’re struggling, or what you need help with.
2. Then, state the direction you want to take and ask for feedback, thoughts or clarification. Form an opinion on what you think the answer should be. Don’t just ask, “How should I reach out to the brokers?” Instead propose a course of action and get your boss’s feedback: “I’m thinking of sending out a mass email to the brokers but I’m not sure if that’s the most effective format…what do you think of that approach?”
3. If you don’t know the direction to take, ask for tangible guidance. Instead of asking “What should I do?” ask specifically for the tools you’ll need to make that decision yourself, such as a recent example of a similar analysis or a template for a given task. Or, ask for a referral to someone who has worked on a similar initiative or project in the past.
In the vast majority of cases, you’ll get a lot further in your career by asking the tough, smart questions.
So, my questions to you are:
- How many times in the last week have you not asked a question when to do so, would have been useful or helpful?
- What stopped you? And what assumptions might you be making?
- How can you start practicing the above approach in a relatively risk free environment?
- When will you do it?
Original source: Jodi Glickman Brown Great on the Job.
I wonder if Daniel Goleman would share my concerns about the potential impact of social media on relationships. If you can spare 13 mins.(re-assure your boss it is for personal/professional development) this is an interesting talk for all kinds of reasons.
It’s been three months now since I committed to launching myself fully into the social media world. I am blogging, tweeting, posting, and linking like a good ‘un and making some great connections ….. or am I?
What is the motivation of twitter users? Are we genuinely wanting to learn from or connect with everyone we follow or is it more like a cacophony of monologues? Are we on an ego trip to show how popular, or credible we are? or are we really just looking to sell our products and services?